The Words that Stay
The February Listy List of things I'm Loving
Dear Friend,
I ran off to visit the Florida sunshine with stops in Richmond and Savannah. Such a lovely trip out of the mushy PA snowscape. I’m already aching for a smidge of gentle humidity, slanted morning sunshine, and kind breezes that characterize the panhandle in February. It hurts to stay in the dark gloom of a row home as the ice accumulates and then accumulates again.
I’ve been thinking with gratitude and grief about the writers who have stayed with me over the years. The ones I’ve never met and the ones I have. The ones who aren’t here anymore and the ones who are.
Sophie Kinsella died this past year of cancer. I started reading her endearing novels in a tough moment about ten years ago and they consistently remind me of the dancing-speed joy of being young and hopeful and chaotic.
Rachel Held Evan’s new essay collection, Braving the Truth, came out this week. I spoke with my friend Stephanie Duncan Smith who was the publishing-house editor for the project (that conversation coming soon) and we both wept (off record) remembering her funeral (her in person, me watching the livestream), what Rachel means to us now, wondering how different this moment would feel if she were alive in it with us.
I got to see Sarah Kay perform in person. I thanked her for being the poetry icon to the Bulgarian youths circa 2014 when I was teaching there as a young thing myself, making a bridge for us to find each other and our interior selves.
I feel so lucky to be alive in this world. To have read writing and been changed by it. To try to say the feeling of loss and rapture and gratitude I feel having loved and been loved through words and reading and making and being.
I hope I can be even a smidgen as brave and open as these women have been.
With Love,
Dana
Listy List of things I’m loving
This quote from Chani Nicolas
I find it empowering and motivating while also a serious warning. Words are hard to take from us once they are ours.
If Astrology is part of your meaning making, her app is free this month. Code: SUPPORT30.
Starting the group chat as a Whole Personality
I don’t know how to be political effectively in this moment BUT I DO KNOW how to start a group chat. I know how to spot a common interest and make an event. I know how to collab with better details people (aka Robbie) to make our home work for a group and make it hospitable. I know how to do comms ahead of time that set expectations and buy in.
Which is to say, I know exactly how to be political. It just doesn’t feel special because it’s what I do most easily.
I want us to all do what is most easily ours TO THE MAX right now. And then do the things that feel hard as the very next thing.
Chats I’ve started:
Preschool parents at daycare
Bookclub
My local activist friends
Folks going on a group trip together
Hauntings in Books
I’m on a kick. I’m reading horror and hauntings and it’s all super feminist and critical of the world. Even books that aren’t technically ghost stories seem to have some element on theme. Current fave is The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson.
I broke my tailbone during the Flu in December. Slipped on our steep, wooden steps and landed hard. We don’t have plans (or capacity) to put in runners or step traction anytime soon. Spent $75 on a pair of house shoes by xero with intense rubber soles. No falling anymore and happier, warmer feet on the whole!
Sandwiches for breakfast (not “breakfast sandwiches”)
I get up too late to eat breakfast BEFORE I take my kid to daycare. Have meds that need an hr to digest first. So I make a ham sandwich and pack it to go. Eat it after drop off and before I hit the coffee shop. No reason a high protein lunch-food can’t be my breakfast!
The switch from Spotify to Qobuz
I like to pick a recommended album from the Qobuz home page and try it out while I exercise. Had some ecstatic experiences that way.
Throwing a 4yo a bday party in our tiny row home instead of a trampoline park
No shade to the trampoline park parties. I love them. It’s a special treat that keeps us sane on cold, winter weekends. But I did love the chaos of smooshing so many kids into our tiny house. We had to take apart the dining room table for everyone to fit on the floor to decorate cupcakes. Worth it.
A gym bag I’m obsessed with that isn’t a gym bag.
For all my pt and gym experiences, I’ve dragged my life around in an Aldi bag. I spent enough months with my stuff spilling everyone and constantly losing my keys in my winter clothes. Plus the grossness of throwing in my shoes with all my clothes. Ew. But it did mean that I knew exactly what I wanted and needed out of a bag.
Enter the long searched for Cotopaxi weekender. Has a bottom zipper for shoes. Waterproof interior for when I inevitably spill my water bottle. Large zipper where I put this book that I drag to the gym every day. Room for my towel. Cute blue color. My one complaint is it doesn’t sit up on its own quite as well as I’d like for optimal rummaging.
Valentines by My Kid
She basically got a whole holiday devoted to her favorite activity: drawing love hearts and making cards for the people she loves.
Queer Bookstores in Florida
Shoutout to CommonGround in Tallahasee. For existing in the face of ongoing Floridaness. Had fun shopping there and then jumping into a photo shoot for NOH8. They literally exist in the shadow of the Florida Department of Education (housed in a skyscraper?!) and it’s such a beautiful fuck you. Let’s say gay! All day! Every day!
Love things. Make things. Name your world. Hold strong.